I haven’t written a post in a while because a month ago I got really sick. It has been such a profound experience I decided to let myself be vulnerable and share it with you.
I hope it guides you to more love and compassion for yourself and others.
This is what happened…
I woke up one morning with a bad pain in my hip and shooting pains in my head along with a mild rash on my hip. My doctor said he thought I might have shingles and prescribed painkillers, which are not really good for me.
My first reactions was how is this possible? I eat well, I do yoga, walk and other fun movement and for the most part, I appreciate my wonderful life. I felt so vulnerable. I wondered “what did I do wrong”? After all, I’m a nutrition coach and I teach ‘happiness for health’.
The good thing is I have many tools to help me through challenging experiences. I also have been through difficult times and know I am safe and things are always working out for me.
While I don’t have control over what happens, I get to choose how I think about whatever is showing up.
First I checked in with True Self and acknowledged my belief that whatever is showing up is there for me not against me. I believe with all my heart and soul that I live in a benevolent universe.
I have been asking more expansion, less fear, less resistance and my body is on board with my expansion. I believe this pain and sickness is guiding me to opening up to more wholeness, abundance and love.
When I’m in pain it’s a part of me asking for love.
Throughout the day when I started worrying, I reminded myself that nothing bad is happening here. I can allow this experience to be just as it is without resistance. I took a lot of very deep breaths and did my best to allow whatever was coming up for me to flow through me.
Part of the process is to make space for the old energies to release. In order to do that I have to embrace what is happening.
FEEL WHAT I FEEL.
I don’t want to feel afraid. I don’t want to feel like I’m bad and I’ve done something wrong. It’s easy to fight against those feelings. But instead, I decided to give those feelings space, allowing myself to feel each feeling that came up fully and breathing through it.
As the weeks went on and I was still really sick and in pain, lots of fear and anxiety came up. So I got more comfortable sitting in the fear. Yes, it’s uncomfortable but I don’t want to run from it. I know as I breathe through it energy is releasing. I am creating space for everything I’ve been asking for.
I put my hand on my heart and relaxed my shoulders, breathe more fully and let myself feel what I feel even just a little bit more. Even if I relax just 2% more I create space.
Sometimes I cried deeply, experiencing the full magnitude of what I’ve been feeling. I felt into the part of me that was really hurting and told her I love her, even when she hurts. I didn’t try to fix it or “solve the problem”.
The feelings that came up are just old emotions I’ve suppressed or not allowed myself to feel or all the old judgments I’ve been holding onto that have gotten stuck in my body. Whatever is coming up are the unhealed parts of me I’ve been unconscious of that I’m ready to release so I can live more fully.
I realized I am the one who needs to be present to me and what I’m feeling whether I get better today or it takes a lot longer. Either way, I am going to be there for myself.
Being sick has helped me create more love for myself. Create more harmony with what is, not so I get better immediately, but so I can be present for myself, be on my on side, experience kindness and compassion for my difficult feelings.
I am the one I am looking for. Being willing to sit in the space of my feelings allows them to move. I expand into more love and compassion for myself. The best way is by loving and nurturing all of my feelings. As I do I feel more ease.
Now that I am feeling better I have a deeper connection to my True Self. I feel connected to the higher part of me more of the time. I feel loved, guided and supported from a deep level of myself. My True Self is always with me, I am never alone.
I am less judgmental of myself and others. I can allow myself to feel more cared about. I can receive more. As I receive more love and caring I have more to give others.
I also realize I don’t have to try so hard. I’m not broken, so I don’t have to be fixed.
Being sick and in pain for a month has been a difficult experience but I feel deeply changed by it. I am moving forward in my life with greater love and wholeness. I’m not so afraid of whatever I feel. I am willing to be more vulnerable.
I am the one I’ve been waiting for to give me more love, kindness and understanding.
I hope this post helps you be with yourself in a more loving way. We are all on this amazing journey together.